It's so much more than running.
It never occurred to me once as I grew up that I would find “my thing”. You know - that “thing” that you absolutely love doing like nothing else in your life, something that you are good at, but more so, something you have a deep-rooted passion for. I tried all the sports - basketball, volleyball, swimming, soccer, even a little bit of teeball action as a young kid. These were all fun and such - I loved hanging out with my friends, and I would argue that participating in these sports played a crucial role in creating the close-knit relationships that I generated, and have continued to keep, with friends I made as a child.
But none of these sports fulfilled that desire; the aspiration of my true passion - until my freshman year of high school. I played volleyball and basketball, and decided in the spring that I would try to run distance on the track team. It would definitely be new and at the time, very daunting, but I wanted to give it a shot. I put in fathomless work, from the beginning of the season to where I ended, running a PR of a 5:56 mile at my last meet that season.
It was that summer that I made the decision to move forward with cross country in the fall, rather than volleyball. I was hesitant at first about this, but as the season grew closer, the decision couldn’t have been easier to make. And so, I joined this group of people that soon became a team, and not too long after that, became a family. The bond we created helped me as an individual to thrive and miss qualifying for the state meet by just seconds of my 5K time, but more so, benefitted me as a whole. This running family of mine helped me through the typical challenges a teenager will face - bad days, & breakups, but also adversity that I have faced throughout my high school years.
Fast forward to my junior year of track. I was on track (no pun intended!) to qualify for districts and to break personal barriers for myself that I hadn’t imagined possible. Unfortunately my season came to a hapless end when I had to get an emergency appendectomy surgery the night before our conference meet.
So fast forward to the present. I’m a senior in high school, 17 (going on 18!) years old, but things are not at all how I would’ve pictured them a year ago today. I’ve spent my senior season of cross country and track on the sidelines, as I have assumed the “assistant coach/team manager” role due to some health issues because of the surgery. As time, and many doctors appointments have showed me, a big part of of my recovery and my struggle of getting back into running is due to anxiety - some post traumatic stress from the surgery. As one may imagine, this has been extremely hard on me. Sitting out from “my thing”, my passion, my favorite and most therapeutic activity - has not been favorable. However, my teammates, my family, my “tribe” - however one may want to describe them - this is the part of cross country and track that matters. To me, it is not the challenges and adversity that I have faced that have built character in me, it is these people who have helped pull me through my trials and tribulations who have helped build my character. It’s amazing how a group of people who were simply strangers 4 years ago are now the most important people in my life. These people along with the sport of cross country and track have shaped my morals, values and perspective in this life. As I face the hurdle of tackling my fear of returning to running, I have listened a lot to a song called “Closer to Fine” by the Indigo Girls. There is a line in the song that states, ”And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains. I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains. There’s more to one answer to these questions, pointing me in a crooked line. And the less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine.” I could not imagine embarking on this journey of running, with all of its ups and downs, with anyone else by my side. Sure, the team changes from year to year. Seniors graduate and freshman join, but the vibe of the team does not. I am forever grateful for the unbreakable bonds that I have made with my teammates, my running fam! God has blessed me with such a fantastic support group in which I hope I have been to them as well. I am thankful for the four years and all of the unexpected memories that running cross country and track has brought me.
- Mackenzie Ryan (@mac_ryannn)
