Why do I run? (from an injured runners perspective)

It's been hard not running. Being out has really made me think "why do I run?" And to be honest for the first couple of days I really didn't know why. Every time I’ve tried to run i have felt terrible and slow. I see myself staying the same as i have been for the past couple of years maybe even getting worse.

I have seen myself come across injuries and issues that make me feel like I’m making excuses for my failures. I see people talk at school that still think I’m 7th grade Quinn and when they ask me "hey aren’t you that really fast kid? I hesitate.

I just say yes to avoid further questioning.

I used to think that running would be my ticket to scholarships, I had a dream of becoming a college athlete but I’ve slowly seen that dream fall before my eyes. I guess in the beginning everything came so easy. I just went out there and did great. I’ve seen myself get angry and jealous at my teammates because on the inside I’m jealous of them. I have damaged friendships.

As I was laying in my bed last night at 2 am pondering all of these thoughts in my head, I came up with one word.

"love"

Thats the reason I run. I love the competition. I love playing nuke em and ultimate. I love the shoes, I love the feeling of knocking a workout out of the park. I love waking up early for practice and I love staying out late for team dinners. I love the tears, I love the sweat, I love the smell of the track. I love the nervous feeling at the start of races and I love the glory of winning. Most importantly I love my teammates. The friendships and bond I’ve created with some of the guys on my team has been amazing. I thank god that happened.

Yesterday revealed this to me when I saw some of my best friends run sub 5. To be honest at first I was scared. Scared that i was just going to keep falling behind. But as I thought about it I felt love I am so happy that my friends are thriving and I know soon I will be able to join them and we will all be doing great together.

Now i know why I run and my whole philosophy has changed from me vs the world, to us vs the world. My competitiveness will not change but my mental game will. When I think I cant hold on I will think about my teammates and my love for them and the sport. I’m going to do everything in my power to get back as soon as I can and you better believe I am going to compete.

Thank you.

- Quinn Cullen