Running with an Eating Disorder.

Running has been part of my life since I could remember. Everyone in my family is, or has been a runner. My mother was an all state cross country runner in high school, continued cross country and track at a college known for their prestigious running program, and still runs several 5ks, half marathons, and too many marathons to keep track of anymore. My cousins run cross country, all with impressive PR’s and accolades to go with our family legacy. I started running with my mom on small, 2 mile road runs a few times a week when I was 7. And like the rest of my family, I fell in love with running the more I trained. I ran my first 5K when I was only 8 years old, and finished 3rd out of my age group as the youngest competitor. I was proud of myself, I was starting to live up to the legacy that I was born into and had high expectations for my future as a cross country runner.

The more I trained, the better my performances in my races improved. I started looking up to older girls who were faster than me, and compared myself to them in hopes of being like them one day. Around 6th grade, I noticed my body wasn’t like the other girls I was competing against, or the girls I was looking up to. At a young age, I already had developed muscular legs, with thicker thighs and bigger arms. I played football in addition to running cross country and track, and as the more I dedicated myself to running, I noticed that all the weight and muscle I was gaining from football, I realized I needed to quit. I wanted to be as slim as the girls who were running better PR’s than me. I was convinced I would be a better runner if I had just lost more weight. 

By the time seventh grade rolled around, I entered my middle school’s cross country program and excelled in every race. I wouldn’t place less than top ten both 7th and 8th grade year. I had started cutting meals in effort to lose weight. I started pushing myself to be the best runner I could be. I was convinced that my times and placing had improved because of the weight I was rapidly losing. 

By the time I entered my freshman year of high school, I was extremely underweight to the point I would frequently pass out at practices and even races. My parents and coach decided I needed help. I left school to enter a partial hospitalization program to focus on recovery. I refused to admit I had a problem when I entered treatment. I complied with my treatment plan, but I wasn’t getting any better. However, after hearing other people’s stories online from other runners, I decided I needed to recover from my eating disorder if I wanted to run again. I entered a residential treatment program that specialized in eating disorders. I moved away from home, all the way across the country for 2 months to focus primarily on my recovery. I missed most of my freshman year, and couldn’t compete during track season, but I was glad to finally reach weight restoration. 

By the time cross country season rolled around my sophomore year, I was significantly happier and healthier. I was eating regularly, with a balanced diet. I still see an outpatient therapist and nutritionist to best support my recovery. Choosing to get help was the best decision I made not just as a runner, but as someone who wants to lead a happy and healthy life.

- Anonymous