I Am Not A Lost Cause

 I always knew I was a runner. I remember in elementary school I was part of a mileage club, where the “crazy” kids would run in circles around the school after lunch until we dripped with sweat and the whistle blew to go inside. In middle school, I ran a decent time of a 6:02 mile, breaking the previous record. With the convincing of my best friend, I decided to go to the summer training for the high school cross country team, purely to get in shape with soccer. I remember going through my first mile repeats telling myself I would never run for a sport. I hated the pain, but after a 1v1 trail run with the girls’ varsity coach, the idea of lettering had me hooked (shallow I know.)

Little did I know, by the time the fall xc season swung around I would be third runner on the varsity squad, close behind the two senior captains who were both committing to D3 schools to run. My freshman year was stellar on paper, almost PRing almost every meet and eventually running state. Although by heart, my hatred for running was so strong I was convinced that my first season would also be my last. The anxiety of racing, having the varsity team on my shoulders, and having such a high expectation was gut wrenching. Causing me to throw up in nervousness before races, starve myself before meets, and hate every moment in between warm ups and cool downs. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my teammates, the community, and pretty running shoes but the sport was deadly to me. I had convinced myself that mentally, I wasn’t strong enough. I was a lost cause, It was heartbreaking. 

When summer training came back around, I decided I would give cross country the summer and choose between club soccer and cross country by the time school started. With a new girls’ coach, I knew this entire season would have a different output. Throughout the summer, cross country resurrected. With new exciting workouts and routes I remembered why I loved running. I love the ‘teamism’ and all that comes with it. I love the deep conversations lingering throughout the team during a run and all the sacred inside jokes that “you had to be there for.” I love the post workout food cravings and chocolate milk. I love the sweat exchanged with teammates after sharing a hug while desperately gasping for air. I love the sound of the fall leaves crunching underneath your muddy running shoes. I love the rain gliding through the air and landing gracefully upon your arms as you punch forward with perfect form. I love the ‘pasta makes you fasta’ dinners and waking up on a brisk saturday morning having a piece of peanut butter toast before a run. I love the rhythm felt in your legs as your shoes thump the ground. 

This year cross country was no longer a burden but an opportunity. I saw every meet from a whole new lens, loving every second of it. I’m not sure if it's because I was more experienced this year or if it's it because I got captain as a sophomore and was able to uphold a leadership position but I fricken love cross country. I’m so thankful that I didn’t give up on myself or give up on my passion. I was not going to be a lost cause.

- Katie Keating ( @katiekeating22 )